September Summer

September. Summer just blew by. Not without incident. Deb and I continue to get away with playing house here on BC's Sunshine coast. Our garden was an entire University course of learning. Although we didn't buy any veggies all summer we certainly learned a lot about the fine art of having an abundant garden. We overfed our carrots. so we got little woody critters. Next year we will have accommodations for tomatoes , cukes, and basil in a cold frame or maybe a wee greenhouse. But, truth be told, we didn't buy any veggies all summer. we did well with chard (our favorite) kale, beets, peas, beans, lettuce, arugala, beets, spinach,broccoli, ....but will be much more in tune with squash, and spuds next year.
God this is boring...I just had a toke ...maybe that will help. 

My dad passed away August 22nd.  My sister said the staff had checked in on him in the morning and that he was experiencing his last few breaths. By the time I arrived he was looking like he already left us. My sister and I took our places on either side of the bed. He was in a facility called George Derby in Burnaby BC It was a place where the Canadian Government took care of their elderly military personal . My sister managed to get my mom into a room directly across the hall from him. All meals, activities, medical etc were provided. 

                                                                    Our BC cottage

The doctor made any required pain meds etc available. Dad was still able to connect with us. He waved off our praise and gratitude for the two beautiful properties he managed to leave for us. ...but there was no doubt that it brought him some joy. He smiled and reminded me of a child. My sister and I were holding his hands . We were weeping. We were watching him breathe , and then wince from some deep pain. A month ago he stopped eating, We were pretty sure some kind of cancer had surfaced. Bladder, Kidney, Prostate, the list goes on...right?  We didn't even take time to discuss the option of going to the hospital for tests and whatever. Dad wouldn't want  it and either did we. He got weaker. He stopped going to pub night ( a twice a week event which provided entertainment [singers of old songs , etc.] a 50-50 lottery [with "in house" money]) but, in all fairness,  he managed several rum and cokes past his last meal. His last meals were basically no nonsense vanilla fucking milkshakes. My sister and I managed a few cautiously optimistic conceptual scenarios of "Heaven" in which he would once again get to pick on his best friend Sam. He looked like death (I sketched him) His breathing was unlike anything to come from him ....ever. But after the "Sam" story, he smiled. I didn't even know he was still there, and he smiled. His wincing from pain finally prompted me to lean in and suggest something to get rid of the pain. he had declined up 'til now... He nodded, we called for the authorized nurse . He administered the morphine and dad noticeably relaxed and slowly ...one breath at a time, left us alone in the room. 

Dad       A watercolor on gessoed board 

The complimentary religious guy was (for me) gut wrenchingly out of whack. To realize this man is needed ...for most of us....made me sad...but even more so...astonished. Who the hell am I to solve the mystery? Life is an indescribable miracle .....it ends in death. Who says that's bad, right....keep writing here....stay ahead of the thought....As I drove my dear, sweet Momma to the memorial service, she said, "It's all like a dream" I heard myself say, "Momma, I know what you mean. What if , when we die, we wake up out of this one? I've been pondering the thought ever since.